Somehow this reminds me, dinner with shad, fie and maly was definitely the best outing I've had in a while.. It was just so happy! And crazy and full of laughter.. Read Maly's and Hafie's blog to find out more, but yea, Maly and her tak senonoh, Shad and her extra extra poses (just look at the photos, I'm not kidding, she was CRAZY that day, and the title of this post is courtesy of her) and hafie, irritating me to such an extent that I refused to talk to her and asked her to talk to my bahu instead. Lotsa photos too! Check out link under my tagboard. Gah, I wanna get my own camera.

Cerpen was great. I think. Haha.. Despite the many times in the day when I just wanted to like stone and not think about what to do, what needs to be done, what must we prepare next. Sorry if I looked abit stressed or what, as maly pointed out, my closer friends would have known to differentiate when my 'muka stress' is in fact equals to stress or it's just me being slenger. Thanks for your concern. In the many ways that you guys showed it.

Probably what I loved most about the event is how, at the end of the day, there was so much bonding. It was similar to the end of a camp- there was an exhange of email addresses, See ya on the 23rd!'s and of course.. photos and lots of posing. I tried my best to have a conversation with each of the participants and I'm glad I did; they are some very interesting people.

This girl with the most interesting name Isra has the most beautiful handwriting that just compels you to read it. I loved watching her write too.. She practically ignored all the noise that we were making, not to mention the blazing heat, especially when in the gallery, as she filled lines after lines of the papers in front of her, occasionally pushing stragglers of hair that had escaped from behind her ears back.

There were 2 girls who went everywhere together and one, Aini Azidah, always had her camera in hand or around her neck. They'd take walks around the place and I wonder if they were seeing things in the taman warisan that I, in my busy-ness or plain ignorance, overlooked. They are from NJ and I guess, I was kinda proud of them. I see this batch of perbayu juniors going somewhere man.. They'd be significant and they'd leave their mark.

Another junior (that baba loves) is Salihin, this tall, gangly boy in specs, serious outlook and deep voice. We'd see him walking back and forth or round and round the courtyard with subtle hand movements that probably are very very essential in his thinking, or musing, process. He has this quiet charming quality that reminds me of hanif from nj (and baba of herman) and I was pleasantly surprised to hear that he'd be directing the nj drama production (our 1st in a very long time, if ever) coming out in feb. As his friend informed me of this he gave a bashful but very delightful smile which made me triple sure that I'd NOT miss this production even if it cost me my life.

Izwan from IJ also impressed me with his megawatt smile. That was all I saw from him- that smile. It was as if his face is nothing but that and it's not tiresome to look at it at all; in fact I looked forward to exchanging some words with him. The welfare party agreed that he was probably the best participant because he well, minded his own business. Haha.. He was outside most of the time, either on the phone or writing away, lost in his own world. What drives these young people like him to join such a competition that most pple his age, mine, or rather, in this generation would merely scoff at and not think twice about. Cerpen writing man.. I can't help but feel envious and embarrassed at my own apparent lack of interest.

There were many other interesting pple but of course if I write abt all of them you'd probably point the cursor to the right-hand cornermost of this window straightaway.. I loved the feeling going away from cerpen. Like a sense of accomplishment, and happiness, and an entranched love of the pple who were there- comm, pax, the welfare party.. Loved the bridge and the lame jokes and the oasis-singalong session and the Alphabet game and the meals together. Etc etc. :)



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Found this on ee min's blog..

"Before I leave, I hand my professor a present, a tan briefcase with his initials on the front. I bought this the day before at a shopping mall. I didn't want to forget him. Maybe I didn't want him to forget me." (Tuesdays with Morrie)

I realised that about me for a while already. Perhaps that explains the gifts I got for the bfs before and especially after they become exes. Carefully and meticulously pondered upon, chosen, then reviewed, so they'd have a certain significance, be of a certain reminder, just so they'd shout "NURUL!" from every surface, corner or crevice, at every touch every sight. And this done with every intention.

For a while it bugged me that I needed to be remembered so badly. Was it insecurity? The fear that I would not stand out from the rest of his past- just one of them, that I never made a difference, that my presence or non-presence never mattered. Who'd want this, to be lost? So in attempt of a prevention or perhaps, a remedy, this was part of my mission to BE SIGNIFICANT.

Then again, was it essentially cruelty.. That I knew I have been different, somewhat. That I would mean something. And these gifts that poignantly scream my name are really my way of saying, You got me, then you lost me, as I imagine them to pause at some point in time and, well, miss me.

Rather selfish, I agree. And I regret that. But as ee min and I were discussing, how difficult it is to change. To do something out of pure plain sincerity without any hidden agenda. As I think of this I wonder, if I'll ever grow up.

Happy birthday, Sha. I'll sms you later, as you know I would.