Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Then I see you standing there
Have you ever been to a wake?
I vaguely recall going to my grandparents'. I remember refusing when my mum told me to kiss my grandmother's forehead. And for my grandfather, I went into the room and wondered why I wasn't crying, did I not love him enough.
But I guess those wouldn't count.
So I went to my first on Friday. I expected the mood to be sombre, serious, heavy. Like if it rained, despite the many storeys of flats above us we'd be drenched. But I guess that what you see in the movies is quite true. There was a certain delicateness in the air, sorta like fragile cheerfulness. It wasnt like the cheerfulness was forced, nor was it exactly pretentious. Rather, it was like everybody refused to be sad or at least, show sadness.
My good friend Puay Hoon went around shoving oranges into the guests' faces and demanding them to have some just because
she cut them. Others were fawning over the guest book whose cover was beautifully designed by PQ. Puay Hoon nudged me towards her mother and as soon as I hugged her I felt it was as though
she was comforting me instead.
She said "Haven't seen you for so long.." and even though she was smiling, I couldn't help but feel tremendously guilty. I told her she still looked good and she continued smiling and said, "Today I off the tap. I never on."
I dint understand so I asked, "Why you never on?"
She explained, "If I on the tap then cannot stop," as her hand gestured near her eyes as if wiping away tears. Then I got it. Inside I marvelled at how strong she was.
She then took me to see her in a white sun dress with pink flowers.
It was surreal. I only remembered thinking she looked no different from being asleep. That I could just poke her in the ribs and she'd wake up. With that blur "Huh?" look she always have. Had.
After that, us pri sch classmates found each other, sat around and ate while taking turns to tell jokes and play tricks such as "How many meh mehs jump over the wall" and "Coffee Tea" and Black Magic. Fun..
It was really nice to see all the ex-Peiying and Rg pple. I have yet to understand completely what happens to our
roh, or spirit immediately after we cease breathing. IF somehow
her spirit was floating arnd that day, I think she'd be pleased. There was so much laughter, there was so much love. :)
Somehow being there that day made me feel better. I think that's the thing about wakes, or funerals. It gives a sense of closure. Satisfaction, in the most non-sadistic sense. I like closures.
Whatever it is pple say, that she had so much potential.. I'd say, I think she had done her part here.
Allah knows best. :)
iFLEW @ 1:00:00 pm
to the now