Thursday, February 23, 2006
Why do pple remain single?
I've been looking forward to the day I get married since I can remember.
It's the thought of having someone to love you and someone to love, someone to watch tv with and to massage your back after a hard day at work. Someone to cook for and with and to enjoy the whatever product- edible or not a non-consideration- afterwards together. Someone I can watch tickling my children, carrying them if they fall asleep on the sofa to their beds, teaching them how to cycle to swim (esp to swim, not knowing how to swim is a great disadv, I discovered), you get the drift.
I want this someone. And I can't wait to find him.
But when I start to look beyond all these happy images and
really think about it, I find myself getting abit scared. I mean, you really can't tell, can you, if that guy is
the guy you
can live your whole life with.
It's not like there's any 30-days trial period, like it keep it, loathe it get your money (and time and well, virginity) back. And technically, you
don't want to go through all the divorce shits cos that's just awful and sad and should be kept strictly as a last LASSSSSTTTT resort (because I really don't see the point of putting up with a relationship that hurts you rather than nourishes you).
So technically, you MUST get the guy 'correct' before you say "Yes! Yes!"
And it's not just about the
other person, it's really abt yourself too isn't it?
In the drama Confessions of 300 Unmarried Men when the 3 actors were taking turns giving reasons why "I'm not married" this guy said ".. because I look in the mirror everyday and I can't even stand myself, how to expect another person to stand me?!"
And.. There are so many things that I can't stand about myself, like how I'm better at making kids cry than laugh and how I suck at handling crises and at comforting people cos I
never know what to say, how sometimes I get riak, hm, thinking I'm better than someone else even though I am in NO position whatsoever to think that way (don't look at me funny now pple, I dun like me either).
I was thinking the other day,
getting someone to like you is hmm, nothing. It's getting them to
keep liking. Keep liking you despite discovering and knowing your flaws your weakness. Despite seeing your same face and your same body and day in day out. Despite your skin sagging and your teeth dropping and your hearing going. Now, that's quite hard eh..
Buttttttt.......
I've been reading this blog (I don't know if I'm allowed to but oh well) and one thing that I agree with the author is that spontaneity in r/s is qt envy-worthy.. Like.. To just go on about without worrying whether he'll continue to like you or you, him.. Whether he'll leave you or you, him. I think what we need to focus instead is on making each day that you do have together, happy. You know, make happy memories. If one day it comes to a stop, then stop. And life goes on.
Of course it would be easier said than done. But what I'm trying to say is that, sometimes pple tend to worry so much about the end they don't feel the sweetness of the beginning and all the mighty in-betweens. Or they get too scared to start in the 1st place. Now that can be quite a waste.
In these kinda things, I believe you have to take risks. Calculated risks of course. But you take it, and try as hard as you can to
not look back. It won't be easy, and of course you'll still be scared, but hey.. a man without fear is a foolish man.
Anw, when it comes to marriages and
all those serious things.. Islam gives us more assurance with the fact that we can solat istikharah.. You do that after you consider all your options carefully, seek advices from those you trust,
then you leave it to Him to guide you to the right choice. So rmbr to solat istikharah people before you all decide!
OK, I should probably try to work on my weaknesses, the ones that I know of.
In the meantime, I'd need a guy who's good with kids, who'd hold me in times of crises and demonstrate to me the art of consoling/comforting, who'd put me in my place. And of course, one who'd lead me to God's pleasure ( haha.. I have to add that to remind myself).
So I STILL want to get married, and I want to find this keeper-someone. :)
HA!! Sorry to have been going on and on abt marriage.. My bro's getting married la (enganged, actually).. It's the hot topic in my home right now can't escape.. :p
Anywaaaaayyyy.....
Another interesting bit off Confessions of 300 Unmarried Men is how they likened choosing a partner to choosing a sushi from the conveyor belt...
You see 1 sushi which looks really quite good, you're about to pick it up, but
you pause and wonder, what if a better sushi comes along? So you leave it and
wait for the next one to come along. And the next, and the next. But you find
yourself thinking about that 1st sushi and you decide, hey! I want that 1st one.
So now you look and wait for that 1st sushi to come round again. And it did. And
you pick it up, all happy, until you find yourself asking, "How come you're still here?" "Why don't anyone else want you?" "Are you expired?" Then you consider waiting round for another sushi.
Ish. But you
do think like that sometimes, don't you.. Haha.. ;)
Btw. Pink Panther was funny laaaaaaaa.... Hahaa.. Better than what I expected like twenty times over. It was a nice end to my hectic soooper tiring kayak-climbing-kayak 2 days. Sorry fav gay fren for my selengeh moments. STOP UNGKIT-ING, OH KAYYYY.... Sheesh. These are the things that make me adorable. *shows adorable face* Ha! *grin grin*
"Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, Sarah, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly... is you. "
~ Alex Hitch Hithcens in Hitch
iFLEW @ 1:29:00 pm
to the now
