Thursday, June 15, 2006
it sucks royally
... when you know that there were some expectations set on you, and you
do want to reach those expectations, you do want to
go there.. but you dint.
These expectations generally root from perceptions that pple have abt me that isn't really true.. or valid.. Sometimes I feel scared to have these certain perceptions abt me; because it sucks when finally these pple see how I really am, and it doesnt agree with what they have in mind, I feel like they'd get disappointed and blame
me like it was
my fault. After all, if you place me high up on the altar, it's
me who face the risk of falling and it's me who's gonna get hurt.
Only sometimes you do wish their perceptions of you were true.
The positive thing out of this is that while striving to achieve these expectations nonetheless, I learnt more about my true potential,
and limit.
I agree with Shad that the execution of the camp sucks. One by one we realised there were so many things not carefully thought of, so many tasks not properly delegated, so many loose ends not tied up. Even so, I'm glad the camp ended really well, at least for the kids.
NURIE ASIE MALY!!! Man your presence meant the WORLD to me.. It was just so nice to spend those minutes being
away to take photos with the eminence babes...
Shad Fie Maly Nurie Asie.. If only Shaf's here earlier.. :/
Shad Mukmin Md Noor Fadz.. words cannot express how thankful I am to you all.. Really.. I'm so sorry for those moments where everybody just feels like killing everyone else.. But you all held on.. I'm glad to have found you as my friends..
Shad, I know sometimes you got pist, but you still listen to all my whinings and complains, and be my breaks from the insanity of it all.
My babes
Kamie Nad and of course my lover Fie, glad I have you all to go thru the shit with me, hur hur.. you guys did a Fantastic job.. The performance was a blast!
Fie, what will I do without you..
I dun thk the rest read my blog,
I hope they dun too, but I'm thankful for the seniors like
Ana Fez Era Zuhailah Izzati whose help we cannot do without and I must say working with
Ana was sucha blast, she's really sucha great person.
You know someone is great when they can still keep their humour and good spirits even though they are this close to their tolerance threshold. Lyna was a good break too with all her funny antics.
The
dikir pple were great! and downstage left too-
Fez mateen nadiah with the help of Ana and Kak Hajar... The dikir coordinators were the best of the best. I couldn't imagine anyone more capable than
faizal rawi, nidzam, hosni, sya, dayah, norli and of course,
fie and
kamal.. I thk the kids had a lot of fun at bengkel dikir AND the actual perf night..
Azmeer is admirable in the way he always remained so calm and collected and even funny even though sometimes I feel like I could
strangle him to death when he asked me abt things that I have no idea shit abt or ask me to call for decisions that were really not mine to make. But it's really not his fault, he's got
SO MUCH stfs to handle.
Which,
in other words, is saying sthg abt the
some other pple.
What was onstage last night nonetheless was a blast, Alhamdulillah, though I regret that I missed half of it. And YES, I FEEL DAMN SHIT THAT NO ONE TOOK A VIDEO. It would mean damn alot.
I'm sorry..
Beb, I'm just glad you were there..
----
Btw.....
Guess what. Over the past few days, I've lost abt 5 friggin kg. Hahaa.. Can you beat that? ;)
iFLEW @ 2:36:00 pm
to the now
